When I was fifteen years old, I was blessed by a shooting star, while camping in Cuenca with a group of friends. I was amazed because I never thought I would be able to see one, and even more when I asked if anyone had seen it, and they told me that they didn’t.
 
I asked for a wish that night. I wanted some news from a boy I had justly met, one I had liked more than enough. When I got back home, I had an email waiting, where he told me that he had liked me as well, and other things I prefer not to mention, too endearing and painful at the same time.
 
Nevertheless, he was gone after a few months, but the star kept blessing me as I followed my path. It showed me what real love felt like, even though I might have been too young to know that it implied deep suffering, and even more at that age, when one’s so naive and sensitive.
 
It took me quite some while to cure those wounds. At least they made me tougher, and they prepared me for future break-downs. That’s not the point of this post, anyway. I’m much stronger now, I now what suffering means, and I don’t reject any of it. I accept it as it comes, because at least they mean that I’ve learnt how to love.
 
When I met my Neesan, I thought my lucky GoldStar had to do with it, somehow. It was true love, as the one I was still missing, the one that still hurt by then. She was of a great help, she never left, even when I turned my back to her when going through my own darkness period. She kept waiting for me to return, and I did.
 
These days I’ve felt blessed, as blessed was the fifteen years old girl who liked to stare at the moon and got caught by a shooting star. I face true love coming from an honest, friendly heart, who makes me feel protected and special in many, many ways. I can even say that this star has granted me with a wish yet again.  I wanted to be dear to this heart from the very beginning, and now I am. That’s all I wanted, and now I have it.
 
I feel happy, because it feels like if I were the one who built it with my own hands. By caring, by being clear and true to myself and to others. Now, I wish I could be older, so I could understand most of the things that I don’t as for now, but I know it’ll come with the time.
 
I suppose it wouldn’t be improper to post a lyric as my ending lines.
 
That’s All
Wannadies
 
It’s hard to be both yours and free
It’s hard to solve every mystery
I’m still a kid on a bike, you see
Just about to conquer spring with new-won speed.
 
Amplify me
Can’t stand silence
Fired back at me.
Don’t want to be common,
Might want to feel stardom,
Just want to be cared for,
That’s all,
Cool...
 
I’m so in love with a simple song
It makes me feel like nothing can go wrong
Even if there’s not one word
It’s the language that I want to learn.
 
Amplify me
Can’t stand silence
Fired back at me.
Don’t want to be common,
Might want to feel stardom,
Just want to be cared for,
That’s all,
Cool...
 
 
Moonie

The best of being recovering from an eye surgery is your friends coming to visit you, a huge chocolate bag as a present and lots of spoiling.

If I would know what they were going to do to me before the operation, I would have been scared as hell. Dr. Polit was nice enough to save it for later. I didn't know they were going to make an incision right on the cornea's surface to apply the laser through that hole. There was a time in which I wasn't able to see anymore, and by the end of it, my eyes were so puffy that I could barely open them.

Now I can see pretty well, and Dr. Polit reckons I've recovered very fast. It's nice to be able to see without the aid of contact lenses. It is true that now I'm wearing a pair of contact-lenses-like patch on my eyes, but the doctor's going to remove them this Monday after school.

I love this following song. I guess it was all me before this happened. And it still is, somehow. Now I know there's no reason to worry about anything. It's been so nice to realize I've been such a fool, but I had a good reason to be one. I don't regret it, though. I think there's still a little bit of hope for myself out there.

[Verbal Acoustics]

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin to keep my cool
I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it--yeah

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It won't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind
If it ain't comin out we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it yeah

If I could say what I wanna to say
I'd say I want to blow you-away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I wanna to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

What's wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slipping away
I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it--yeah...

Moonie

Friday, November 18, 2005

I’ve decided to start writing again, after having abandoned the custom for more than a month.

Yesterday I really had a bad day. I think something I ate the night before did me wrong, because I ended up very sick. My tummy hurt so badly that I couldn’t go to work, and my aunt wasn’t very pleased when she got home. I stayed that day laying on my bed and wondering what I did so wrong to feel that awful, but at the end, it could only mean that my metabolism collapsed somehow in response to the way I’ve been working lately.

Okay, so now I know that I’m no Wonder Woman, but I’m feeling much better at this point just by knowing that. Does it make any sense?

Today it’s Friday. And I Love Fridays! Last Friday was one of those fulfilling days. Mabelys (my work mate) was in such a Zen mode (kind of too relaxed to care), so I did all I wanted to do with the kids. I did some story telling and I made some drawings for them, I put them to dance (which they enjoyed so much)…

This Friday was splendid. Although I got up with a terrible headache that lasted me the entire day, and that I almost didn’t go to work because Gabriela was getting too late to drop me off, I received a phone call that cheered me enough. I still can’t express how gratifying it was. Since today we had the children’s pictures taken, I was justly helping the teachers to clear up the whole mess, and I was feeding little Eddy Morgan (this baby is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen, and I’ve been trying so hard during all this time to make him like me, and now I think I’ve finally got it considering he actually let me feed him…) when my aunt called me to her office in telling I had a phone call. I immediately thought it must be my parents or my grandparents because believe it or not, they call me a whole lot, but it wasn’t them, it was my Neesan. I was so looking forward hearing her voice and now I finally had the chance to speak with her. It was much more than heartwarming, uplifting and enjoyable…

We had a very nice chat (I was close to tears, so I didn’t say too much), but we were in such a hurry because it was lunch time and the cafeteria was closed, so I didn’t speak with her as much as I would have liked to, but it was enough all she said to me to brighten up my day and to convert everything I was feeling inside into sheer joy…

Then I went to Preschool A to help with the lunch and after a while, the children were all eaten and ready to nap. Aranxa didn’t sleep too well. She is a trouble-child. During all this time I’ve spent with her as her teacher, I’ve realized she’s very smart although she is a kid with psychological problems. She reminds me of Namida for many, many reasons. First of all she looks just like her with those big brown eyes and long dark hair. She also doesn’t speak too much, but it’s not her fault. She’s received three electrical shocks that have affected the language area, and although she doesn’t say too much, she understands Portuguese, English and Spanish. When Aranxa sees me, she smiles and runs to hug me. I tell her: “Tira um beijo pra mim” which means: “Give me a kiss”, and she does. She likes to be embraced, and I like to hold her in my arms. Although sometimes she can be very spoiled and unmannerly (well, she’s spoiled and unmannerly all the time), I find her utterly sweet and needed of love…and just as difficult as Namida in the end…

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I justly had breakfast. I was so hungry when I got up. Especially since I didn’t eat anything yesterday but some toast and a plate of soup. I had two bowls of cereal with strawberries and grapes and I wanted to eat more but I knew it would only make me feel sicker.

I have a little girl called Paloma in my classroom. Paloma means dove, and it’s a name that suits her perfectly. She’s three years old and has astonishing blue eyes and beautiful slightly curled brown hair. I’ve noticed that Paloma has some anxiety when it comes to food. She’ll eat anything you put in front of her, including Play-Doh. Whenever it’s snack time, she’ll always ask for more and will eat the leftovers if you’re not too careful to stop her from doing that.

The other day we were serving cookies, Paloma came to me saying Teacher Mabelys didn’t give her any cookies, so I gave her a handful and sent her to the table. At the end I asked her: “How many cookies did you have today?” Mabelys answered: “A whole package, with those I gave her in addition to those you gave her, plus the neighbors’!”

Sometimes when she’s very hungry and I don’t want her to repeat, Mabelys gives her some more and tells her to say at home she’s hungry because her mother doesn’t like her to repeat meals. Paloma is a skinny child although she eats so much. She’s a perfect darling but very mischievous. When I catch her playing with sand or rocks (things forbidden when playing outside) she makes cute sad guilty faces and starts crying if I preach her too hard.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I got back from shopping and a voice screams inside my head, crying out loud: “I am such a little kiddy!” I haven’t grown a bit since…

Well, what happened was that I got out with one idea in mi mind: To buy some t-shirts. And not any regular t-shirts; licensed character ones (Disney, Funny Bunny, Sponge Bob, etc…)! Instead I ended up buying Toy Story action figures…I just couldn’t resist myself, I, who always wanted a Buzz Lightyear and a Woody to put in my room, and they are big, movie-sized, so they look exactly like the real toys from Toy Story.

That’s not it…the other day I went to buy some pants (cargo ones, you mind), and I ended up buying a Nintendo Gameboy Micro! I also bought the following games: Final Fantasy Tactics, Duke Nukem and Megaman Z. I always wanted a Game Boy, ever since they first came out and the games didn’t have any colors. Mine’s so cool and tiny. It looks like an I-Pod Nano ‘cause they created this model expressly for the I-Pod fandom.

The way I dress (I *always* look like a tomboy), the way I think, the way I act…I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being like this but the truth is that I’m having lots of fun and I don’t regret it one tiny bit.

In this house my uncle refers to me as guagua, which is a Quechuan word that means “little one”. Of course it’s because I’m the youngest one living here and working at the day-care.

Don’t get me wrong; I think I’m kind of stepping into adulthood. Just look at the excellent relationship there is between my hair blower and me. I never thought I would even own one, but there you have it, and I have no complains.

My Buzz Lightyear says “To the infinite and beyond!” every time I press a button… lol

I had a really nice childhood though…I had lots of toys; I had dolls more than anything. There was a time in which I didn’t want to know about dolls anymore but was more interested in books, movie characters and electronic toys. I never asked my parents to buy me expensive gifts; in fact there was a time in which I stopped asking them for anything because they just wouldn’t buy me a thing. And then they introduced the allowance, but it was (and still is) such a poor one that I never had enough money to buy anything I liked…

When I was ten or eleven years old, my parents stopped giving me Christmas gifts with the excuse that I was too old to believe in Santa Claus. My mom hardly buys us any gift and my dad doesn’t believe in gifts (believe it or not). You may think I receive lots of Christmas presents considering that my father has five siblings and my mom two, but one Christmas my dad’s family decided they were spending too much money buying each kid a present, so they came out with the fabulous idea of gift-exchanging so that everyone receives only one gift from one of the members of our large family.

My mom’s family instead gives us each a present per member, which is a good thing considering we have two uncles, two grandparents and two great-grandmothers.

I certainly know Christmas isn’t about gifts, but about Love…I always enjoy receiving a Christmas present because it reminds me precisely of that love, it brings up all of those joyful feelings in a beautiful way to express how much you care for those dear to you…

Today while we did our Christmas shopping at K-Mart, I saw my aunt picking two Cabbage Patch dolls for Gabriela, who is 30 years old and married. She collects them, and I remembered how much I liked those dolls. I had two of them when I was a toddler. I would be more than delighted to receive one of those as a Christmas gifts, and again, that is because I like toys too much.

My mom just called me. She recommends me to buy clothes and to stop buying unnecessary accessories such as toys and books. I’ve bought all the books I wanted to have and to read, and I’ve gotten all the toys I ever wanted when I was a child. The only thing I didn’t get for myself here was a Care Bear. Maybe it’s because I realize I’m too old for Care Bears, or maybe it’s because I don’t like the new Care Bears, but the vintage (old fashioned) ones, and it happens exactly the same with the Strawberry Shortcake related items.

My Neesan bought me a stuffed Royal Canadian Mounted Police wolfie, and it’s so cute! When I received it I was smiling broadly because it looks so adorable with his little red uniform and the little brown hat ^O^ Then I showed it to Gabriela and she liked it very much. When we were on our way home she asked me all sort of questions about my sister and she also wanted to hear the CD Neesan sent me, so we did while she told me the stories she lived while studying in Toulouse, France.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Yesterday I wasn’t able to sleep. I kept thinking about my Neesan, and how much I need to see her. The little hole in my stomach has gotten bigger and it hurts more than ever.

Luz is seven years old, but she is more mature than my younger sister, who is almost ten. She’s another trouble-child. Reminds me of Namida too, only that Namida’s issues don’t go as deep as Luz ones. Luz is sweet as sweet can be most of the time, but when she gets upset she’s evil and will hurt you if she can. I’ve heard Luz saying that she wanted to kill herself when she was going through one of those attacks. She’s on medication.

I like to hold Luz in my arms and to make her sit on my lap, even though she’s not a toddler anymore. She likes my Game Boy and will always ask me to play my games. She’s very cuddly and soft in manners whenever we’re sharing some time together, but when she’s around other kids she gets too nervous and will start acting differently. I think Namida’s very much like Luz when she’s being taken care of, very tender and easy-going.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I had the chance to write to my big sister and to express justly how I’m feeling. It lifted me up to read her reply to my last email, where I thanked her for calling me. She offered to call me again some day of this week.

I had a very bad day because the kids were especially jumpy today and I had to deal with a group considered as the most difficult one. I almost had a fit when one of the children knocked off a piñata hanging from the ceiling in from of my aunt’s eyes with a stick…and she wasn’t very pleased to witness so…

When the night came my tummy was hurting again and it stopped a bit when we went shopping afterwards. I got a vintage style licensed character t-shirt (with the bunny from Trix cereals?) labeled: Trix is for kids! ^_^

Then we went to KFC and grabbed some food to go along with a chocolate cake and had a terrific supper. We laughed so much talking about people who eat weird food such as roaches or living animals…

Today it was so cold because of Hurricane Gamma! I wore my jacket all day, and Aranxa looked so cute wearing her hoodie with her winter socks. I thought of a song today, and I’m writing it down:

Snowbell rings

Are you listening?

In the land snow is glistening

A beautiful sign, we’re happy tonight

Walking in the Winter Wonderland

Gone away is the blue bird

Here to stay is a new bird

He sings a love song as we go along

Walking in the Winter Wonderland

In the middle we can build a snowman

And pretend that he’s an uncle Brown

He’ll say ‘Are you married?’ we’ll, say: ‘No man,

But you can do the job while you’re in town.’

Later on we’ll conspire

As we dream by the fire

To face unafraid all the plans that we made

Walking in the Winter Wonderland…

Thursday, November 24, 2005 – Thanksgiving Day

Today I read a little phrase that made me remember about my Grandfather. It said:

I love you all dearly,

Now don’t shed a tear,

I’m spending this Christmas

With Jesus this year

When the message finally hit me through I had an emotional breakdown that lasted me quite a while. I remember he was still among us last Thanksgiving. I remember showing him a second-hand book about French poetry, and he seemed very interested in it. He even asked me where did I find it, but when I offered it to him, he told me to keep it…

When he came to my house one of the things he liked to do was to look through our books. Eventually he would take one or two…sometimes he would just show up in our place to see the books without announcing he was there.

When I go somewhere one of the things I do is to look through the books exactly as he used to and now I realize it’s because of him that I’ve got that custom. I’m the only one in the family who does it, now that I think about it…

Well, anyway…I better stop writing; I’m not feeling good at all…

Saturday, November 26, 2005

I’m not eating healthy at all…not during these days or ever since I got here. I mean, it’s nobody’s fault but mine, because I eat the things I shouldn’t, and later, regret that I did.

Just take today’s example. I ate a brownie and a soda for breakfast. Isn’t that just bad? I didn’t finish my soda but instead I ate a bowl of plain Kellogg’s cereal with milk. And yesterday Gaby and I went shopping. Afterwards her husband Alvaro came to pick us up and we went to have dinner to some Roadhouse. They had chicken-something, but I ordered a Bacon Cheeseburger with french-fries (it was one of the hugest Cheeseburgers I’ve ever seen, so I only eat the stuffing and left the bread and the fries untouched).

It was a nice thing to go shopping yesterday, because they were having big sales everywhere, so I went to JC Penny and bought some fun-socks along with a Mc Donald’s t-shirt. Then I went to Macy’s and bought two licensed-character t-shirts (Sesame Street and Bobby Jack), and a silver bracelet with a heart pendant for my Grandma.

One of my t-shirts features a cute little monkey (Bobby Jack) saying the following:

I don’t want to!

I don’t have to!

You can’t make me!

And on the back it says:

Cause I’m

Special!

(lol) Sounds just like me when I’m having a fit!

I’ve decided that if you ever wanted to give me a gift, let it be a toy, or a licensed-character t-shirt, or even some silver jewelry! I love all that ^_^

I’m being just like Fez from That’s 70’s Show because he says that the only thing he likes people to gift him is candy. C-A-N-D-Y. Lol!

Oh, I almost forgot…we went to Sam’s and bought some DVDs and some Game Boy Advance games (Gaby bought the last Friends seasons and I the Astro Boy and the Hot Wheels games). I’ll try to surprise my little brother telling him that I bought him some socks when giving him the Game Boy advance game wrapped for Christmas.

Monday, November 28, 2005

I’m awfully tired…it’s 11 pm and I’m ending my day for good. I just want to go to sleep…I’m too tired even to watch television. I don’t even want to take a shower like I do every night before going to sleep. Today it’s been such a tiring day.

I helped Mabelys with her children during the morning and afterwards I helped Giselle with the Christmas decorations, to tidy up some closets and to throw out some garbage. I like her very much because she comes from Argentina and I just love the way she talks. I make her conversation only to hear her speaking. Besides she’s very nice and has two beautiful baby girls.

Later on, during the night, I helped with the after-school kids. Today I had a special talk with Gaby. She explained why Luz is on medication, and how mean she’s behaved with all of them before being treated by a professional. “Luz” she said, “was a very violent child, and still is when something cracks her off. When she gets very upset you can hear her saying things like: ‘I don’t care, because nobody likes me. I hate this school, I want to kill myself. I will kill all of you, I want to play with the blood.’”

It is true I heard her saying: “I don’t care about that because nobody likes me in this school. This school hates me. The teachers hate me, you hate me! I don’t want to return ever again! I’m going to tell my mom to never drop me here again…”

It hurts me so because I recognize this. This was I, somehow, in the past. It still stings inside…

Luz have never told me those things but I wonder it is because I never pushed so hard on her…Gabriela did, and I believe that’s why she reacted as she did, saying all those horrible things about killing herself and adopting that ‘I don’t care-nobody loves me” attitude.

Actually, I disliked Luz at the beginning, because I only heard what other people told me about her, but one day I found her crying and she started to scream when she saw me. Some kids where around her, and I believe she was hit by one of them. Then she ran away and I followed…When I found her I got really angry with the kids that were around us, so I sent them all outside and when she saw me again, she was still crying…It was so painful…

“Are you all right?” I asked. And she didn’t answer me. All she did was to hug me, and I knew exactly how she felt, I knew about all that misery was she going through right then.

 Tuesday, December 01, 2005

I have a song inside my head this evening…It is how I feel…except the part where it says I want to be alone, because I don’t…I feel too lonely already…

Tomorrow

Avril Lavigne

I try to believe you

When you tell me that it’ll be ok

I try to believe you…

But I don’t.

When you say that it’s gonna be…

It always turns out to be a different way,

I try to believe you…

Not today, today…

I…

Don’t know how I feel…

Tomorrow…Tomorrow

I…

Don’t know what to say

Tomorrow…Tomorrow

It’s a different day.

It’s always been up to you,

It’s turning around, it’s up to me,

I’m gonna do what I have to do.

Just don’t…

Give me a little time

Leave me alone a little while…

Maybe it’s not too late…

Not today, today…

And I know I’m not ready…

Maybe tomorrow…

*sigh*

Maybe I’m wrong…maybe I just have a broken heart. I feel so bad, I feel broken inside. It’s being so hard…

Saturday, December 03, 2005

I just called Jill to her cell phone and we talked for a little while. I just want to understand why it leaves me crying every time I even think about her. I don’t get it, I’ve only known her for two months and I love her like a mother. She never showed me any sign of affection but it stings me so deeply to realize that I miss her to death. I can’t hold my tears, and I wish I could stop feeling this way. Maybe it’s because I know that down deeply she does feel a little something for me, even if she never kissed me or hugged me…I’m so sad because I really wanted her to show me that she loved me that way. It’s true she showed me she cared by buying me a ticket and by giving me such wonderful advices and by hearing to everything I needed to say and to express. She took care of me like none other relative has and she was never scared to tell me the truth.

I don’t understand why is she so cold, so closed within, so stiff…

It’s not just now that I realize so, but the day she left without saying good-bye…I cried more than I ever cried in my whole life. I felt as if I wanted to die, because I was so looking forward being embraced by her…She had a horrible argument with her husband and she went away because she was very frustrated, and it was the day before I had to travel, so I never had the chance to see her before leaving. I thought it was my fault, and that it was why she left, but it wasn’t, as Greg told me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so bad…

***

Well, I cried enough for today. I have a happy memory I wanted to share. It happened when I was at high school and I had a Psychology exam. I resolved not to study because I was having problems at home (domestic crisis), so I decided to cheat. And it didn’t work as planned because the teacher caught me and took the exam away. When I got home I told my mom all about it and she, instead of getting upset because I cheated, got upset because I didn’t know how to cheat! *lol*

I mean, it’s not that she agreed with me cheating, but instead, it meant she didn’t want to make me more miserable, so…That’s me mom, all the way through ^_^

She was like: “You don’t even know how to cheat!” *chuckles* My mom’s the coolest!

This Thursday I was in the playground, holding Madeleine’s hand, and I thought of this song, because it was beautifully bright outside, even though it was cold. I felt I wanted to keep that memory forever as one of the most precious I have lived:

Walking On Sunshine

I used to think maybe you loved me

Now baby I’m sure

And now I can’t wait till the day

When you’ll knock on my door

Every time I go to the mailbox

Gotta hold myself down

Cause I’ve been waiting for you to tell me

You’re coming around

I’m walking on sunshine

Who-ho

I’m walking on sunshine

Oh-oh

I’m walking on sunshine

Who-oh-oh-oh-oh

And don’t it feel good?

I used to think maybe you loved me

Now I know that it’s true

And I don’t want to spent all my life just awaiting for you

I don’t want you back for the weekend, not back for a day

I say baby I want you back and I want you to stay

Walking on sunshine, baby, just walking on sunshine…

I went to Dadeland Mall with my aunt and with my cousin Juan to buy some gifts for Juan’s family. Juan is very attractive; he’s married and has two girls. He’s quite young; I believe he’s in his early thirties. He calls me his little cousin…He sometimes caresses or embraces me in a very tender way. He is very affective, lovably...and behaves the same with Gabriela…or maybe he caresses me more because I’m younger and Gabriela is older and is married. I don’t think he has other intentions when he does it, but it’s only the way he is and I like it. He has a very soft touch…I…it reminds me in some way of Professor Lupin. I believe he has the same soft touch, and I believe he must caress and embrace the same way Juan does.

I like being caressed…when I was in Colorado, my host family didn’t touch me as much…I was missing that human affection when I got here. And it’s been good because as soon as I arrived, they kissed me and hugged me. My family here, they kiss me and caress me very often, and the kids from the day care…I’ve received more hugs and kisses than ever in my whole life there…*chuckles*

Now, I’m not a person who likes to caress or to touch other people. I will dare to kiss someone if I really love that person, but that’ll be it, with the exception of children. I don’t know why it so hard for me to show my affection for others with hugs and caresses…Maybe that’s what happens with Jill and I should understand her because it happens the same with me…

I remember once Brian asked me why Ecuadorians didn’t kiss people on the cheek but instead touched each other’s cheeks and made the sound, so I replied, as-a-matter-of-factly: “Well, that’s because Incas didn’t kiss at all. They just made the sound of kissing, which, by the way, was called mucha.”, and I must confess that I made that up at that time, but now that I think about it, it does make sense.

Maybe it has to do with that, because we’re really supposed to kiss people on the cheek but we don’t and we don’t realize that we do another thing instead, so it’s kind of a reflex whenever we’re greeting people.

Anyway, I do kiss people on the cheek, even though most Ecuadorians don’t, and I believe it must be my Spanish part at play because they are really affective and it shows whenever I feel like kissing a kid on the lips or when I greet my relatives and friends.

Oh, and btw, at Dadeland, I bought a Scooby Doo plush and a wear set for Karem’s baby, Romina Estefania.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

I should be preparing my suitcase because I’m going home next Monday, but the truth is that I have a week ahead and I’m not so excited about returning, so I’ll wait until next weekend.

My Granny called. She has bad news. My big brother was assaulted, and they took away his 400$ cell-phone along with some other things. He bought that cellular with the money he earned working for my godfather. I’m so sad because he has such a bad luck…A few years ago he returned from the United States and he had bought a Play Station with some games, so he took them to a friend’s house, and when he was returning home, he was robbed, and they took the Play Station, along with his new backpack, his new watch and all his games…

*sigh* I’ve never been assaulted, though. I remember once a lady tried to snatch my gold bracelet when I was ten years old but she couldn’t because it had a good lock. I was so scared, but somehow I new it wouldn’t open. I wonder where that gold bracelet is now, but I suppose it doesn’t fit me anymore ^_^

In Ecuador you have to be very careful with what you’re wearing. For example, you shouldn’t let people now you have a cell phone, so you should better put it in your purse. And you shouldn’t go out wearing an expensive watch or fine jewelry if you’re taking a bus, or going for a walk downtown…Now, I never take my gold necklace off because I can conceal it inside my t-shirt, so I never have to worry about it.

Guayaquil isn’t a dangerous city, though, as I said, I’ve never been robbed, and I live there. The thing is that my brother is some sort of daredevil and a show-off, that’s why he gets assaulted, because he wants people to know he has an expensive cell phone, or because he wants to show his friends all the cool things he got when he came here…

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Today has been more than great. I got up as usually, around 6 am and I had the chance to blow my hair a bit, to split and tie it with rubber bands to make some sort of pigtails, and to have a slice of chocolate cake with Pepsi for breakfast before Gaby came downstairs.

At the day-care I had a beautiful time. Especially since my little friends run to greet me when I walk into the cafeteria, as soon as they realize I’m there. Gabriel always rushes to hug me, and so do the twins Jose and Joaquin. Paul does the same, but I really like how soft and sweet he is when he greets me. Today he came to me because some other boy hit him and that really got me upset, so I said to him: Vien ici, avec moi…And assuming I said it right, he came and sat on my lap to watch Barney. He’s a cute little Canadian boy, and he’s three years old.

I told my Neesan about him when she called me around 11 am. We talked for almost an hour, and I was cheerful by the end of our conversation.

I’m feeling a little sad because I made good friends with the Cuban teachers I’ve met here. Especially with one whose name is Lourdes. She’s lovably, and very sweet. She’s taken such a good care of me, and it really makes me sad the fact that I’ll be leaving her in a few days…it makes me want to cry because she’s been like a mother to me during these days, for all the care she’s showed me…

Today she said that I’ve stolen everybody’s heart and she made me pigtails because mine aren’t as good as the ones she makes me. Then she told me about her life back in Cuba and about how hard it is to have her parents still living there.

I have to stop being so sensible, to stop attaching myself emotionally to the persons I meet along my way…Or maybe I shouldn’t…It is something good, at the end, to be able to love, even if it hurts so bad to keep going? I cry every time I remember about Jill, and I’m crying now because I don’t want to leave Lourdes, or my aunt Marilu…

My Neesan agrees in saying it’s tough, that she’s gone through the same…one step at the time, she says, and I believe this step will be one of the hardest to make…

It’s not only hard for me. The other day Cristina, who is a Spanish four years old girl, told me: “And you can’t leave anymore.” So I asked her why, even though I knew it was because she stopped seeing me in her classroom ever since the toddlers’ teacher went out on vacations, and I’m replacing her now.

“Because I found you now, and you can’t leave anymore.” She replied.

“Oh, but I’m leaving to my country this Monday…” I explained.

“So leave now, once and for all!” She told me, “if you’re saying you’re leaving, don’t return.”

Afterwards she had a fit when her mom came because she wanted candy, and she got a little upset when her mom said that she couldn’t have any. I believe she behaved like that because she was hurt to hear that I was leaving…

Saturday, December 10, 2005

I’m having a cold…*sniff*

Yesterday I gave Lourdes and Daisy, my two Cuban friends, a good-bye gift, and we cried and hugged each other…Lourdes said that I shouldn’t do that because I was only there to help them, but I just did what my heart told me to, and I have no regrets…

This is the way I am, I just do what feels right to do, even though it could not be appropriate…

I’m going to miss the children as well…Aranxa, Luz, Cristina, Jose…I’m going to miss my little Canadian friend, Paul…And Giselle’s daughter, Kathy…

Kathy is a precious baby girl with big dark eyes and curled black hair. She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I just can’t resist myself every time I see her. She’s spent most of the time she’s at the day-care in my arms. And I kiss her, bite her, hug her and dance with her. I tell people that I’m going to kidnap her, take her to my country and change her name to Catalina Bohorquez so that people would think that she’s my daughter *lol* She even looks like me!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Good Gracious! Tomorrow my flight departs around 3:30 pm, and I finally have my suitcases ready. I don’t know how am I going to carry all that stuff, since I’ve got 3 full bags and my laptop briefcase. I bought a little red hand case, and I’ve putted all my books and CDs there along with my toys and other personal belongings…so I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk with such heavy baggage…

Yesterday we went to Miami Merchandise Mart and I bought two Matrioshka sets (you know the wooden Russian doll containing smaller dolls inside of it?), one for my host family and one for me. I bought a designer handmade purse with a moon printed on its surface, made of red fabric, and a Hindu pillowcase for my mom, along with a jean jacket. Oh, I also bought some shoes for myself…

The thing I mostly liked was the Moon Purse, because it looks almost as if it could say: I belong to Moonie!

Monday, December 12, 2005

I think I’m going to be sick…I’m waiting for my flight to depart in about two hours. I’m going to change planes at Panama and then I’ll be headed to Guayaquil to arrive there around 10 pm. Today I got up and Gaby took me to the day-care. I couldn’t sleep well because of my cold. I was freezing and couldn’t breathe well. Also I’ve got this coughing thing…

At the day-care, I spent some time with the Cuban teaches (especially with Lourdes), she gave me a pair of flip-flops and two resin dolls. She also told me that she expects me to return with my diploma, because she says it’s very important to pursue my studies doing something I like.

Paul didn’t come today…I really wanted to see him before leaving…and I couldn’t see Kathy either…*sight*

Oh, Camila is a two-years-old child who recently came to the day-care, and she suffers quite a lot every time her mom drops her there. She doesn’t like anyone, but she likes me, and today, when her mom came with her, she wanted to stay with me, so I took her in my arms and she didn’t cry, as she always does with the other teaches.

Other girl who only likes me is Loren. She’s the youngest one in Mabelys class, but she cries when her mom leaves and stays crying during the entire class term. Today she was crying when I entered Mabelys class and I tried to comfort her, but Mabelys didn’t let me…Loren was calling me and she didn’t let me hold her…After a while she stood up and walked toward me, so I sat her on my lap and told her to calm down, but she started crying again, so I had to leave…

When I saw Mabelys class heading to the Cafeteria, I stopped Loren and asked her to kiss me, so she did, and she also blew me a kiss…I’m really going to miss her…

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Yesterday was Lorena’s birthday, and I went to a mass to commemorate my Grandpa’s departure. I’m really not feeling any good, and I keep getting pretty much annoyed and having those kinds of fits every time something goes wrong.

I SMS-ed my Neesan, and in few words she told me I had to admit the emotional reasons to my behavior and my condition…Gee, I can’t hide anything from her, and all I needed to hear was that she could see me through even though the distance and the silence…

Tuesday, December 15, 2005

My voice’s still all funny, and I don’t know what to do to get it back to how it was before I got sick. Yesterday I said such stupid things, and I really didn’t mean them…especially the mail I sent Stephy, because I think it was just dumb of me. I’m being very bad lately, and I don’t want to, but I really need my Neesan and that’s all I care about right now.

Ok, I'm answering to Dael, because she dared me to post five of my rarest habits. Those would be the following:

1. If I'm too excited about something, I cry. Or scream. Or sing and dance. My favorite interpretation would be The Victory Dance.

2. When something falls to the ground I pick it up with my toes.

3. I use to bite people as a way to show affection. The other day I tried to bite my brother's arm but he wouldn't let me.

4. I don't like to comb my hair, and when I do, I use my fingers. And I suffer everytime I have to cut my hair.

5.  I watch cartoons whenever I'm feeling down. I always smile with Tom and Jerry, but my favorites are Spongebob, and the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. But when I'm feeling nostalgic there's nothing better than Dexter's Lab.

That's it I suppose. I dared the following persons to print their strange habits in their respective blogs, but you can choose to answer to it or not. These persons are:

1. Samantha

2. Claudieko

3. Mai

4. Marco

5. Berni

Cheers,

Moonie.

Today I was checking my little ESPOL brochure, wondering whether I made the right decision regarding this career...There's a phrase that really made me laugh and feel awful at the same time:

YA TE REGISTRASTE EN EL NIVEL CERO!
YA ERES POLITECNICO!
EL ANCHO MUNDO DE LA ESPOL TE ESPERA!!

Which means something like:

You registered in the zero level!
You're already a Polytechnic !
The wide world of ESPOL awaits for you!!

Well, it's a risk I'm willing to take, because, according to my philosophy, I lose more if I don't try it.

Tomorrow my dad's going to take me to a Japanese restaurant in Urdesa citadel, owned by one of his closest friends. I have a little joke with my dad about this guy, because I must confess I always considered him a very desirable, handsome bachelor. Although he's quite older than me (he's in his late twenties...), he comes from a very good family and seems to be a fine man. That's why my dad uses to ask me, from time to time, whether I would like to marry him, and my answer has always been: "Yes, of course! As soon as he'd ask!"

I hope there's no need to explain you that I don't really mean it...but who knows? I mean, he invited me along, and I do enjoy Japanese food! *chuckles* It makes me feel a lot like Akane Tendo and that famous little phrase: "It was arranged by our parents!"

*wiping a tear* Oh, my grandmother just gave me a little piece of newspaper...It refers to the fact that ESPOL is considered to be one of the best Universities in Latin-American, according to Webometrics Ranking of World Universities...

I can't believe she's finally understanding why I chose ESPOL from above all others! Especially since she insisted so much that I should go to the Catolica (Catholic University) as my big brother does. I refused rebelliously, because deep inside my heart was screaming: I don't want to! I don't have to! You can't make me!

...and they just couldn't! ^_^


Moonie.

Have you ever felt it within yourself? Because I have, and I take no pride on admitting it. It's not a matter of discovering it, but to uncover your eyes to realize it's there, even though you already knew it.

A few months ago, I thought I belonged to Slytherin. And why is that? Because I was aware of this dark side dwelling inside my soul. I knew it must be that way, that the hat must have considered putting me along the cunning others.

I've had quite a few bad thoughts...Like the time  I wanted to revenge myself for having been humiliated by one of my best friends. I arranged things a certain way, so that I could do so without being noticed. I succeeded, but I didn't think it was enough, it didn't feel that way.

I'm at least not as bad as the other Exiled Wizards...for example, Claudieko shown some Dementorish behavior I've never been aware of in our last meeting, trying to kill some plants she found on her way and admitting she's been acting like a possessed soul in her dreams.

Dael threatened to attack Clau with a fork, alleging her red t-shirt would conceal the wounds, and Goku offered himself to give us the blood we had came to witness, since we thought our meeting would be as bad as that.

The other day I heard a phrase that got me thinking. The more you love a person, more is the capacity you have of hating him/her. And I believe it's true. That's how I understand I'm capable of hating, if I've ever loved.

Sometimes, when my heart's broken, I feel wicked, and ready to follow the foulest plan so I could convert that person's life into a living hell and as miserable as possible...Something stops me all of sudden, and that is my capacity of love, if it feels good, I'll understand it, and will eventually forget that I was ever betrayed...but if it doesn't...

When I was at school, most of my friends used to think I was adorable. And I don't deny that I was. I just kept warning them to beware, because appearances can be deceiving, and I felt I could be deceiving as well.

That's why I tell people Namida can be very, very tricky, because she's sweet and lovable most of the time, but you wouldn't want her as your enemy, I assure you. She's chosen already one, and I'm not so very happy about it.

The good news is that she may bark an awful lot, but it'd take quite a while to make her bite a chunk out of you.  Also I don't think she would hesitate to do so, because the wolf-blood burns too strongly in her veins.

Moonie, The She-Wolf.

P.D: I found a picture of dear Lupin right here:

http://dexter.parsons.edu/~ejuan/harrypotter/art/thumb-hp3-remuslupin.gif